Friday, November 9, 2012

Heartstrings and the French assassin holding onto mine.

Chance would like to clarify that he's not actually French, he's Nor'Eastern, since France doesn't really exist anymore in his storyline.  Tomato, tomahto.

Chance Treize.  He was an incidental character in the first chapter or two of Deep Six (the third-place OYAN winner novel).  Lev needed a friend.  Chance popped up - seventeen, wavy-auburn-haired, blue-eyed, with an accent and a flirtatious manner and a love of extensive wardrobes. 

He wasn't what I expected.  He didn't play by my rules.  He switched sides.  He confused me.  He did things and said differently, and he spoke and did differently.  He was a traitor, to both sides of the conflict.

He lost his voice when he finally did the right thing.  And somehow that made him bitter and he didn't stay on the right side.  Sure, he's not 'bad' either, but he's not in any hurry to be Superman.

(He'd also like to say that sky-blue tights and bright red underpants are hardly his idea of fashion, too.)

In short, Chance is one of the most complicated characters I've ever written.  I still don't really know everything that makes him tick.  But he's so real.

He's real enough that I can feel him sitting by me on the bed now, peeking over my screen and asking questions. 

("What in Brahma are you going on about?  I'm not that complicated, silly girl.  You just like to think I am so you don't notice how attracted you are to me.") 

When my family and I watched Rear Window, I could feel him holding onto my wrist for the entire last thirty minutes of the movie.  Screw the fact that he's been a trained assassin for his whole life.  He was hanging onto me. 

("I regret to inform my author that she's bloody wrong.  I was seeing how long it would take to cut off circulation in her fingers.  Maybe I actually am complicated to her.")

His backstory, his mentality, his everything makes me hurt.  I want to give him a huge hug because he's so wrong and he won't admit it because if he's not the one to help himself, no one else will.  He needs to be there for himself and himself only. 

But he needs people, and he's only driving them away. 

He's outspoken and prideful and selfish and a coward.  He's hollowly flirtatious, an expert liar, and I'm not sure if he even grasps the concept of right and wrong. 

But he's Chance.  He's my character obsession right now.  He's my Imaginary Friend who won't leave my side, even when I'm with people.  He's the hand I feel on mine, the voice I hear when I'm by myself.  Insulting, mocking, flirting.  Occasionally breaking.

I almost want it to end - Chance is taking up all my thoughts now, regardless of NaNo and OYAN and school and everything else - but then I'm terrified of what happens if Chance does go away.  I'm no longer really sure what I'd do without him.

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